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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.


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